right now is one of those times where i look at where i am and what i'm doing and mean well but in reality i go, "wow. you really are a complete idiot."

c'est la vie

slow down and quit thinking.

God, I'm distant.

is it possible to care so deeply and passionately for people that their actions by circumstance of environment and selfishness can cause such a burning hatred for them at the same time and can completely drive you away from them?

Lord, I sorta hate people right now. Not because of who they are and what they're doing because I love people because they are made in Your image, but because they never have the prescience to understand the outcome in their primitivity. I can respect someone who understands fully the reaping at which they sow and disregards it provided no one else is involved. When the blind start leading the blind off a cliff like lemmings is when some concern should be considered.

death of brian

an old friend was found dead and i just received the news.

the Lord gives and He takes....

wanna hurt someone's feelings?

to curse someone repeatedly to their face is ineffectual. said person will eventually become accustomed to it and cast it off as as being melodramatic. but to curse someone effectually is to look them directly in the eyes and curse them once and never speak to them again. it will forever be in said persons mind and will continually emerge throughout his lifetime.

prime example: me :-D


hahahahahahahahaha

let's just be honest.

"So shall we deny?
And rot as we die?
As I write a book about me,
my noble wealth of serving myself,
I am so selfish, it's funny."

you don't care. no one really truly and honestly cares about anyone and those that do are far and few. so let's just stop fooling ourselves and be honest. we love ourselves far more than we could love anyone else.

i think it's funny how truly absurd people can be when it comes to social interaction with others. how much we so-called "value" our friendships, but it's usually until it makes us uncomfortable that we cease the friendship status and dumb it down to "acquaintance". then again, i'm extremely cold hearted when it comes to love and trust anyway; but for the sake of argument i'll continue with my rant.

to say that we care about someone is a lie. we care until we tolerate or feel at ease, but for example let's say i'm having a hard day and someone notices and asks whats wrong. i hesitate until i'm pushed and finally say, "i keep seeing a purple elephant in my dreams that keeps telling me to assassinate my parents and i'm starting to believe it to be real"

"uhhhhhhhhhh......"

and you're telling me that you care and aren't going to be a little more than sketched out at something so absurd? you won't judge, think twice about the person, treat them indifferently, avoid speaking to them when you're the one who fucking pressured them into it? yeah. bullshit.

this is why i keep my mouth shut. this is why i only tell a select few of what's going on in my head. if it means playing the fake smile to keep you from making an attempt at understanding something you never will to keep a steady peace then amen.

crap.

ready for a curveball? i'm going back to school fulltime. no more screwing around and i'm still young and it ain't like i'm getting married anytime soon.

GOODBYE SOCIAL LIFE!